IMprov: Internal Penguin Wound

Sean: i once ate a penguin wholeSean: well not all at once, but the whole thingAdam: Are you okayAdam: ohAdam: well like what over the course of a weekAdam: I mean, I could eat a whole horse, given a lot of timeSean: nope one sittingAdam: and it wouldn't be anything specialAdam: HOW LONG WAS THE SITTINGSean: hour and a half....lots of gristleSean: kept the beak for a necklaceAdam: well there you goAdam: not a WHOLE penguinAdam: if I eat a WHOLE horse but keep the head and tail for a mantlepiece ...Adam: which would be amazingAdam: I haven't really eaten a whole one have I?Sean: its not like you can digest the beak...but for sake of argument I just swallowed my necklaceSean: now i know you going to say well thats not one sittingAdam: actually I was going to tell you to see a doctorAdam: that might really hurt youAdam: consider my needs satisfiedAdam: but you could be in some troubleSean: oh god! why?Adam: don't sleep on your stomach for like a weekAdam: it's a BEAK man, who the hell would eat thatAdam: ...Sean: well i didnt want to seem a liarAdam: you might dieSean: ive had worseAdam: like that time you swallowed a rhino horn?Adam: This is nothing compared to thatAdam: Those beaks are like little diamond knives with an agendaAdam: a rhino horn is like an unripe bananaSean: well now see what you....oh god....i just burped up bloodSean: im good im goodSean: i got thisAdam: ugh dude, look downSean: and that rhino horn didnt even get me arousedSean: is that my bloodAdam: it's not mineAdam: except for that old stain from when we played razorblade flick footballSean: well i think some of it is teh penguinsSean: that was funSean: AND THE REST IS MINEAdam: Yeah call 811 we're in a lot of troubleSean: what will traffic updates do for us right now?!Adam: that's 511Adam: 811 is the less urgent emergency serviceAdam: or is that emergencies in russia...Adam: anywayAdam: But it's just a little blood lossAdam: whoaAdam: a lotAdam: a lot of blood lossSean: well im not fluent any more and the russian i did know isn't spokenAdam: dear god, just rip out these floors and start anew dudeAdam: sighSean: some is the penguinsAdam: fine I'll drive you - but in YOUR carSean: ill lay in the back of the truck....just get me....oh wait i got....oh no....here it.,..nope i think its wedged into my stomachSean: im not bleeding anymore either...i think...is that good or bad?Adam: wellAdam: maybe because you're laying downAdam: or you might just be on emptyAdam: judging by the rate you were goingSean: how does my face look?Adam: Were you always translucent?Sean: like im becoming invisableAdam: well no but I think we should hurryAdam: umm, just elevate your stomach and try to bleed into your mouthAdam: here's some knitting needles, some yarn and some gatoradeAdam: I was on my way to grandmas for the packers game so I had all this readySean: okay i can use this...Sean: gargle gargle gargleAdam: um, don't gargle yarnAdam: you're really messed up manAdam: I think we might just want to stop at the morgueAdam: I have a cousin that works thereAdam: the one that never dates...Adam: I don't want to make things sound bad, but I think we may be wasting our time at the ERAdam: let me mapquest the morgue, actually, call 511Sean: why do you torment me. your cousin is really creepyAdam: oh you're awakeAdam: well we're on our way to the hospital, yes... the hospitalAdam: where they'll fix you... right up... *tear* buddyAdam: You'll live a long lifeAdam: playing with puppiesAdam: not bleeding out from an internal penguin woundAdam: *manic laugh*Adam: I guess that ol' penguin got you in the end, who eats who, ya know?Adam: *Sean Dies*Adam: *Adam, covered in penguin and human blood, crashes into the morgue*Adam: *THE END - Fin*